Thursday, April 14, 2011

Where did I go wrong?!?

It's quiet here…the girls are asleep and so is Jeff.
There isn't a TV blaring or the sound of screaming children.
And here I am sitting here, listening to the wind beat against my living room windows.

My mind keeps wandering to the day Brent came and took Cameron from me.
The last day I physically saw my son, or I should say the last time I gave him a hug or heard him say "I love you, Mommy. I'll be back!" was on May 30th 2008 at 12:30 pm.
I still can't believe it is going on 3 yrs. since I have seen my son.
I cried so hard that day, and unleashed my anger out on the bathroom door
(It still has the hole I put in it). The bastard had me call 4 times
before he called me back to say I would never see my son again.
He was already half way through Jane, MO. on his way back to FL.
Of course, I called the police and the dreaded statement,
"There is nothing we can do." came pouring out of his mouth.
I mean come on…nothing?!?
No, "I'm sorry." just walked back to his car and left.

I ended up having to travel down to FL for a court date in September 2008.
It is then I finally got to see him since his father came and took him.
He had gotten much taller than the last time I had seen him but
Our visit only lasted a brief 30 minutes and then he was drifting off to sleep watching a brand new video
I had bought him for an early birthday gift.
SpongeBob Squarepants was the video…he was so excited.
He couldn't wait to watch it after I left, which is just how he is when it comes to shows he likes.
But now, I have no clue what he likes, what his favorite game is, or how he is doing in school.
Cameron is 7 yrs. old now, and is in school. I can't believe how much have lost out on.
I didn't get to see him off on his first day, or hear about all the cool stuff he did.
Or ask him if he made any new friends.
I hate sitting here not knowing a thing about my own child.

I was willing to work with Brent, let him talk to Cameron whenever he wanted.
He could come in and visit with him but of course he had to just up and break my trust and take off with him.
I guess that is where I went wrong…
I trusted someone who repeatedly accused me of cheating,
who beat me when things were not done his way,
who ridiculed me every chance he got.


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