Monday, October 25, 2010


No matter where I go online...whether it is the forums, Facebook, Myspace...etc. popularity seems to rein supreme. I belong to a forum...been a member off and on for at least 5 years. We currently moved our forum to a free based hosting area... and i along with others got it ready for our grand opening. And I know its just me and feeling like my part doesn't count. But it is like every time i prepare a board in advance say a Happy Birthday board for a member i place it in the advanced notice area and then this person goes behind me and replaces it with this highly decorated banner with a PTU tube. And here I am stuck using crappy FTU tubes for banners and tags.
When this person posts a WWO ( Who Wants One) offer, her list gets filled in minutes while my 6 WWOs sit and linger for days with minimum requests.
She is highly educated in the world PSP while i sit and linger trying to figure things out. 

 I know it's just my insecurity when dealing with a mass audience and just wanting to be accepted and appreciated for what I do to help keep the forum moving. But I just am not seeing it lately. I try hard to not let things like this bother me but I can not help the feelings that run through me on a day to day basis.  

I should take my feelings to this person but we are on a team and feel I would end up getting cut off that team before she would. She has more *points* than I do (don't know how the hell that happened) she is thanked more by the other members therefore more *charms* than I am. Her ideas are used more than mine. I could go on and on but i feel like this is just me complaining about something stupid and petty.

We are told we are no better than anyone else in the forum, but i swear there is a click within the Management ranks. I don't wanna feel this way about something stupid and petty. I hate feeling this way but i really don't know how to turn it off.

 Well anyways here is my latest crappy creation in the PSP World.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Happy Birthday, Cameron! Mommy loves you and Misses you!

I can't believe my lil man is going to be 7 years old tomorrow. I miss him so much.
I curse the ground my Ex walks on for keeping me away from him.
Another year another missed Birthday and holidays.

Hope you all have a great day!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

An Invitation for all...

Come and Check this out!
Friendly people and a chance to make some more friends!

Friday, October 8, 2010

What are true friends?

What exactly are true friends? I don't know how many times I have sat and pondered this question time and time again. I have these "friends" as they like to call themselves and yet they dont act like friends. I always thought friends were there for each other when things got rough for one. I got friends that say "Oh, I will be over to meet Liberty today." or and I love this one..."If you ever need someone to talk to just call or come on by." I call most times because packing up all 3 lil ones is like an all day event here. But anyways, I would call and then feel rushed off the phone cause they have "things" to do...or they would not pick up the phone even though after driving by their house and their car is there. Oh, here is one that happened recently...received an invite to a Labor Day BBQ I decided we are nice to get out and socialize with other Adults. We arrive at the place we were told it was at and then find out they moved the gathering to another location and no one bothered to tell us. I also ran into a friend i used to work with, and when getting her number again after finding out she changed it to a new number wasnt even her real number. Now why in the hell would you still consider being a friend if all you are doing is lying to me, never being there when things get rough, and making promises you certainly can't keep. 

It's even rougher when you are still pretty new in the area where you live. And considering my background, I was married to a overbearing man...who considered me a cheater if i even said hello to the opposite sex. So i began caving myself into the house with only outlet was the internet to keep me sane. My adult conversations ranged from saying "nh" "gg" and the like on various game sites. And then when my ex husband began playing World of Warcraft i decided to give it a shot and of course there were males playing that game and I was accused of cybering while killing mobs/creatures to complete quests. So I became a hermit. And it continues today...not that my boyfriend cares if i go out of the house and hang with others, I just do it to keep the talk down...since there are some that dislike me because they think i won't let my boyfriend go and hangout at their house. Which is not the case at all i do my best to encourage him to go spend time with his friends. 

So really, What are True Friends?


Friday, October 1, 2010


Well, in 15 days my baby boy will be 7 yrs old. And today, starts a 2 week long stretch of depression as I have gone through for the last 2 years. I have missed his birthdays Halloweens and Christmas holidays for the last 2 years. It hurts me even more that I can't get a hold of him on the phone.

I had hoped it would not hurt me as much as it is this year with the fact i knew i wasn't going to be allowed to talk to him. But I was so wrong on that. I have been trying to keep myself busy when on the computer...doing extra work for Raven's ( the psp forum i am a member of) searching for easy to do tuts (Psp Tutorials) but nothing has worked.

I just don't understand how hard it is for my ex to keep me in the loop about our Son. He doesn't have to like me one bit but at least keep my up to date on how he is doing in school, sending pictures, and allowing him to see me. 
What is worse I live so far away. He lives in FL and I live in MO. I still sometimes wish i hadn't move so far away but I couldn't survive in FL with the prices of things. It is so expensive there.

Well, i think i will end this entry with a special tag i made awhile of my first tags ever. Top Left picture is my son, then Alexia bottom left is McKenzie and then Liberty.


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